Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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