if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
