he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
