you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
