Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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