i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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