I want to make a zoo with you.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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