Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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