you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
