Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize