they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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