why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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