Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
