yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
