I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
