stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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