I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Found the puke drawer
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize