I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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