WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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