hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
