We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
