Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
