Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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