look no pants
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
