I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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