He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
