I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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