Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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