need another drink. this is the easiest way
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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