ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
