You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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