i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
