Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You made out with two different species that night
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
