And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
