I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
