Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
