My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
