Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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