I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
