I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
