Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
