Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This toilet bowl is my home.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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