Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
