He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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