She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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