I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
