it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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