I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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