I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
