You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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