It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
