We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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