the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
