Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
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