Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
