one two three fourrrrnication!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
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