Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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