I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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