that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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