this boner is exhausting
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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