i permit you to call me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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