Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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