would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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