all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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