I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
