I wannas sexs uuuuu
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
