going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
