loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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