Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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