My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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