Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
