i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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