i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
